If someone would have told me that my impeccable fashion sense would have landed me is such a predicament, I would have laughed stylishly in their face. At first, I thought it was such a great honor to be called into the secret meeting hall of the Arcane Tower of Might.
The halls whispered with the sounds of my delicately embroidered velvet slippers as I ascended the granite stairs of the tower. I was disappointed as usual in the decor. There was something to be said for the whole sense of dark foreboding that the flickering candles that dimly lit the halls of the tower, and that was boring. There was no style, no panache, and most definitively no color.
I secretly hoped that someday they would allow me to brighten up the place. For now however, I had to be content with setting an example of what it meant to be a fashionable wizard in this day and age. My robes were made of the finest silks, gold and silver threads, and glittered with finely powered diamond dust. The fabric itself was enchanted to reflect light in all the colors of the spectrum depending on the angle one viewed them.
Right at that moment, I caught a glimpse of myself in a dust covered, poorly polished mirror as I strode purposefully down the hall. I stopped for a moment, casting prestidigitation cleaning and polishing the mirror until it gleamed brightly. I involuntarily took in a quick breath when I saw what could only be an angel reflected there in the mirror. I smiled at the enchanting creature before me as it smiled back at me, not a hair out of place. Simultaneously, we whispered gently, lovingly and almost greedily to one another, “You look fabulous.”
Taking one last lingering look, I walked over to the chamber door and spoke the secret phrase that would allow me to enter this one time and one time only, “Something fabulous this way comes.” A loud gong rang announcing my presence to the lone occupant within.
“Enter.” A male human voice that sounded like crushed gravel assaulted my ears. “And be quick about it.” It sounded as if he hadn’t spoken in years.
The heavy stone door guarding the room swung open of its own accord. Behind what appeared to be a stone altar stood the head wizard of the order of the Cloaks, Thurndan Tallwand. Although I could feel the arcane might thrumming around him, I was horrified by the absolute lack of care in which he presented himself. His wizard robes were barely more than the tatters of what I supposed was the homespun creation of a blind country bumpkin. His long white beard was unkempt in the way that few rat’s nests ever achieved. I found him revolting.
It looked as though the feeling was mutual. “So you are the one they chose?” He sneered disdainfully at me. Our eyes met, sending chills down my spine. His eyes shone with a dark intensity as they appraised me. “I suppose you will have to do.”
“I am sure that I am more than…”
“I will speak and you will listen.” The sternness of his voice spoke volumes of the tortures I would receive in the dungeons below the tower if I disobeyed. I dared only the barest of nods before he continued. “There is yet another, party, at the Estate of Mistress Astrid Saj.” Disdain dripped from his lips like venom as he spoke. “I was told that you had been in her employ recently as a ‘fashion advisor’. Is this true?”
“Yes. It most most certainly is true.” I said distracted by what could only be remnants of his last meal stuck in his teeth and beard.
“Good. There are representatives of the various factions including the Thayans are visiting Mulmaster and I have been ordered by the High Blade Jasseen Drakehorn herself to put in an appearance.” The scowl crossing his face deepened even further and as he said this his eyes smoldered. “You will assist me by giving, fashion advice.”
I laughed, gods help me, I laughed. “Surely you must be joking. You? Fashion advice?” The sounds of my laughter rang through the chamber again. “The best fashion advice that I can give you is simply to not be seen in public, ever.”
I could see his cracked yellowed teeth as his mouth dropped open beneath his wrinkled visage. His bony hands clenched in anger at his sides. The dust on his robes fell to the floor as he shook in anger.
“And furthermore, even if I had a few hundred years, which I doubt you have left to live, I wouldn’t even be able to begin to explain the concept of dental hygiene, or even hygiene in general to you.” I laughed again.
“ENOUGH!!!” his cracked lips spat. He raised a gnarled finger as he pointed at me. “You will regret speaking to me is such a manner.” Several magic missiles leapt from his fingertip, streaking across the room.
I cast shield in response, causing the magic missiles to reflect about the room. Some struck the walls harmlessly, while others hit the altar causing it to glow as a bowl of mysterious fluid spilled on it. A trail of what appeared to be a mixture of blood and various other bodily fluids ran across the floor towards me. It poured into some strange pattern that was carved into floor. I was standing right in the middle of it dazed.
Thurndan gathered power for a new spell, drawing lines of force through the air. Whatever he was about to cast was a spell far beyond my abilities. My soft alabaster skin thrilled with the growing energy that filled the room. His eyes glowed with a raging fire as he raised his hands into the air. “I wish that this fool be transported to a land of his worst nightmares and that I will never see nor hear him again!”
As he completed the spell, lightning struck the circle causing it to glow. I found myself falling for what felt like an eternity surrounded by darkness. I splash landed into murky swamp water. It would have come up to my knees if I had not have been sitting. As it was it came up to my chest. The feeling of the stagnant water was only matched by the revolting smell that assaulted my nostrils. If there was a hell surely I was in it.
After falling back into the horrid muck several times, I managed to stand. Off in the distance there was a patch of dry land. It appeared to be some sort of ruined village. I slogged through the quagmire in the direction of the village, cleaning myself as best that I could with prestidigitation as I went.
When I finally arrived on dryish land and finished returning my clothing to pristine condition, I noticed a party of adventurers speaking in earnest with some lizardmen of all things. “Perhaps one of them might be able to help me get out of this gods forsaken place.” I muttered to myself. I approached the group of adventurers looking for assistance.
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